I feel changed

{hey
this is my voice
it hides under depression
I am dishonest by myself, I really am, I don't even know it}

humans I don't trust
I'm sorry, for you and for myself
but I acknowledge
when i am out of body
when I see the world from a cloudless sky
it's all I can do
I am stuck
I was born

In fate we are
trapped, leveled
Dr. Professor whatever forced me to see
Oedipus, Sutpen, Agamemnon, Hamlet
but the end Is whatever
depressing as whatever, what matter
I say, "What is the point if I will never know?"
Jason Wirth told me, "It's about the process!"
and the scythe will always come
but what matter

So I realized,
I can climb mountains
I can fucking climb a mountain!
and that is
and if I was meant to do that
if God ordained me
and said,
this is what you are going to do
I will not complain about my choice
whether I be climbing in the past
or present future, along the Tralfamadorian range
I will climb that mountain

let me enjoy it
let me live to see the road to mexico
to Bolivia
down under the sea
towards Greece, Mongolia
and I will never be lost
I will be

I am young
you say this to me
you my comrade
let us drink for we are golden
in the sun, in the hail
in the hellish vagrant airs
where we see our souls
in each breath
we are golden

listen to my drunken slur
I will trust,
if I give you my words
that this will matter
that you will soon be as drunken as I
and that we will vomit with passion
(the toilet as beautiful as the sink as beautiful as the faucet, as beautiful as the bottle)
for the mountain


( Mountain! mountain! Mountain ! Mountain! mountain!
mountain! Mountain ! Mountain ! mountain! mountain!)

mad mad hawaii

hawaii is stagnant
more so than ever
more putrid with each visit
the people
the lazy fuckers
all the same walkers, talkers
all the same experience, the life I knew for 8 years
or whatever
I can't stop looking down
I'm wiser than all those wrinkled fuckers
wading in the water wading in the humid air
god help me

those beautiful mountains
They live apart from anything I would ever do
A subtle brain cleansing
make us lie down, make us breath
in the gathering clouds upending the skies
god i'll puke all over this land

I have nothing to say about this place
Hawaii it takes all my words
takes all my voices, all my hands
{I need a facebook again, I need a game to eat up my life, I don't want to see my downfall, I want to die in ignorance if I die on these green pastures, amongst the cow, from where, amongst the hibiscus, amongst plumeria, amongst methed out polynesians grabbing desperately, drowning in their own land, independence, independence, you dumb foolish fuckers, you see the oceans but you cannot see the stars}

can't live without expression
it carves me out, makes me irritable
Give me a computer game please
I don't want to see my death

not inspired

I am not inspired. I am robotic.
emotion means nothing, really.
But I am angry about that.
I show anger.
I will not be complacent.
motherfucker.
tune to the tube.
my dreams are smoke.