Inspiration comes best from all back alleys...or bad physical states mixed with good mental states
today I got up with the intention of reading and writing ALL day. I woke up at 10 am! which is early for me...got all the bullshit out of the way in 1 hour and was out the door... but it was so FUCKING hot I couldn't concentrate, thought maybe I had heat exhaustion, probably didn't drink enough water...was getting tired and so lethargic I thought I should just drink a shit ton of coffee and make it iced to cool down...had some cigarettes for fun but it wasn't fun in the heat...kept going into the freezer section at QFC sticking my head into the ice cream door to cool down...all this all this made me tired so tired...went to the park sweaty couldn't sleep tried to pass out heaving exhaustion...probably didn't drink enough water felt like blacking out constantly but couldn't cause I ddrank too much coffee.....went back home to try to pass out and not have to worry about all my shit getting stolen..still couldn't sleep cause of all that coffee but was so tired decided to go for some porn due to hallucinating some metaphor of desert and sex, or just the latent tie-in of languid dull idiotic states and dumb bliss pleasures like masturbation, but still was too tired anyway....too tired for anything and still couldn't sleep...
well, but, well! when I finally recovered after lying down in my room with movies and water and fan on full blast, I tried to write but couldn't, brain still melted from the sun though my body felt more or less normal, I decided to watch another movie--besides Naked Lunch which I had just watched--which was THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU, which I felt bad about because I told myself I would be writing ALL day today but haven't yet got a single word down and only read 3 pages of LIE DOWN IN DARKNESS the book I'm reading too, so I says to myself, I says, okay, I'll just watch about 15 minutes of this movie and try to write or read again...well needless to say the whole movie goes by, or nearly the whole movie, 1 hour and 16 minutes to be exact, because right at that moment, and it's been building up to this point throughout the whole amazingly engaging movie, I know something, I understand something, it has been made clearer, or clear enough, of what the ending to my novel will be like! the ideas have been laid bare, stripped by three key things--Time of the Assassins, a study of Arthur Rimbaud by henry miller, History of ART by elie faure, and the adjustment bureau...(coincidence plays a facile part in my wonder of how perfect these works, and few others, have engaged in the conversation my own novel is bringing to life, or I could say instead, sewing together, a mere combination of previous ideas into my own sort of cohesion). I started writing...............and the horrible day of mishaps blossomed in the end...its fucking hilarious how it happens like that...(and other days when I can actually stay in one place all day, sitting at the computer or with a book I probably get the same amount of work done as I did today anyway, I fuck around with distractions so much I guess all that matters is to keep the ideas stewing in the brain rather than SPECIFICALLY sit down and try to beat it out of yourself)
well shit. I kind of forgot where I was at. maybe I said all that I needed to say, maybe all that shit above doesn't make an ounce of sense, I'm too lazy to go back and read it. Now, instead, I'm gonna drop a bomb on you, the one I intended to drop on you anyway before I spontaneously started to type out all this about my day. I present you with! the outline to my novel! It's a fucking mess, and I think it's awesomely terribly hilarious that way, and wanted at least to send it out to someone...well well well! as for me, I'm done now and gonna watch the ending to that movie. I hope it doesn't suck.
What if every section represented influence of a certain movement of literature? with many references or symbols that signify the "example: romantic poets"
possibly:
I.cambray: transcendentalism
II. Nic: Romanticism
III. mix bag: mostly post modernism?
IV.
V. Nic: Beats
use names of figureheads which correspond to each section
I. Cambray's initial narrative. First person
unleashed. full. romping about the city. gone girl
party on.
tired conversation with nick
plane ride to home or wherever…new york?
inner dialogue on the way back. comes back to seattle disconnected. very tired
meets nic (at call center job? ) side section from Nic's point of view, meeting her and subsequent passage of his quietness shyness of people but desiring connection?
hates job as she knew she would and quits
start to get tired of the same 2-dimensional people, having "used" them up already ("used" in the artistic sense, drained them of their experiences, knowledge, and wisdom)
wants to leave Seattle for good.
II. Nic's narrative. third person
quiet. works at call center still.
Is HAPPY and COMFORTABLE, to his specified degree.
meets Cambray. inspired. afraid to call her. opened up to a new world, frightening, exciting, and can't quite look back from it. (no longer happy with his quiet life).
discovery of chalupa
party, suffering, quiet, shy, longing for connections, doesn't admit it?
III. ROUTINE. Third person omniscient?
work sucks
parties with cambray--we see her decline of interest.
work sucks
cumulative chalupa. scenes of travel
work sucks
travel some more
travel
work
party
Cambray's turnover scene--Nic doesn't recognize it?
A "CONCLUSION" IN THE MIDDLE????????
Cambray and Nic's story lines ending and beginning with the opposite problems and truths
IV. Cambray's second narrative. Second person
Working
boyfriend
love
poetry.
walking
nature
old shit? dammit!
V. Nic's second narrative. First person.
Unleashed. parallels cambray's first chapter.
party on, with abandon. girls. girls. tricks. hoes. bros.
tries to hold down a relationship? fail?
Cambray get's married.
Nic doesn't go to marriage. never knows the ending. imagines it instead?
CAMBRAY"S INITIAL AND MAYBE FINAL PERSONALITY?
Caught up in fiction and cinematic beauty. simultaneously hates it and laughs at it
NIC INITIAL AND MAYBE FINAL PERSONALITY
Caught up in fiction reality
Themes:
motifs:
simultaneity of life happening all at once (cut scenes to other people's perspective within the original scene)
Fiction vs. nonfiction
reality vs non-reality ---the capacity of imagination?
travelling--ideas of gained experience--knowledge from lack of movement, or constant movement?----ties in with reality vs non-reality.
the capacity one has to handle the complete mind of another
death--including death by not living
life--including a life in all directions leading towards death? death from overexertion?
passive voice vs active voice--styles of narration?
pleasure of the senses--
sight: hiking
hearing: music shows, playlists
feeling: ?
tasting: barbecue
Smell: girls perfume!? and something else.
Sight--does chambray go blind? nearly goes blind. loses ability of color. Nic initially sees life in black and whites (make this into the descriptions of settings).
Ghoul--face sucker, identity thief
Cambray full of friendships, full of city life, overflowed with it, overwhelmed.
Nic the last of her encounters, last great friend, a flourishing relationship.
Downfall of friendship
Each living lives divided. Nic goes to a life of friends, the city life, perhaps a bit of repetition of what Cambray had experienced in the first half, but of different perspective.
Cambray goes through a period of solitude after raising false mental blocks, thinking "I can't give myself over like this to my boyfriend and to all my friends," and subsequently turning over the list of her old friends now, shaving off her old life to live new and whole and different.
invisible letters to each other, unsent mail.
"Dear Cambray, you view life as a movie, but it is not so, and you attempt to flower it with bullshit, and I find the beauty in it but I don't want to read it as literature. It is the motifs you try to find in life, but I would rather be more direct. Holy moments do not stem from a cinematically exploded reality, but in the details of everyday openness. The sun rises everyday, had we stayed up together it would engender the tingle in our shoulders, the tired drunk heads breed in us only the realization of beauty that would have been there waiting for us, untaken, if we had chosen sleep the hours before. Life is like this, open everyday, open to all the closed mongrels of us bustling bundled up and cold."
Cambray's story first
Nic's story
--at the end of nic's story he finds out that chambray is getting married
POSSIBLE PROBABLE BETTER ENDING------(clearer after reading time of the assassins, some rimbaud, and watching the Adjustment Bureau)
Cambray chooses happiness, and subsequent lack of plot initiative, a selfish (not in a negative way) and "fulfilled" life, giving still (a "good" soul still) but giving to a lesser degree (ie, emily blunt teaching six grade dancers instead of becoming the world renowned modern dancer for all and histories to come)
while Nic chooses his art. woman to woman (unsatisfied relationally, this could be the main metaphor for their philosophical differences)
chambray is happy and content and no longer despises being in seattle. is "blind" with love, made impervious to surroundings, seeing the old world in a new light(?)
while nice is tired of the shit, having "experienced" all there is to experience in seattle, filled now with hatred, repulsion, wanting to flee to higher more exotic, exciting, adventurous places (with much the same feelings that Cambray felt at the end of her first "unleashed" chapter--should only hint to it in her section, and fully explain it in Nic's section so as not to be repetetive)
possibly:
I.cambray: transcendentalism
II. Nic: Romanticism
III. mix bag: mostly post modernism?
IV.
V. Nic: Beats
use names of figureheads which correspond to each section
I. Cambray's initial narrative. First person
unleashed. full. romping about the city. gone girl
party on.
tired conversation with nick
plane ride to home or wherever…new york?
inner dialogue on the way back. comes back to seattle disconnected. very tired
meets nic (at call center job? ) side section from Nic's point of view, meeting her and subsequent passage of his quietness shyness of people but desiring connection?
hates job as she knew she would and quits
start to get tired of the same 2-dimensional people, having "used" them up already ("used" in the artistic sense, drained them of their experiences, knowledge, and wisdom)
wants to leave Seattle for good.
II. Nic's narrative. third person
quiet. works at call center still.
Is HAPPY and COMFORTABLE, to his specified degree.
meets Cambray. inspired. afraid to call her. opened up to a new world, frightening, exciting, and can't quite look back from it. (no longer happy with his quiet life).
discovery of chalupa
party, suffering, quiet, shy, longing for connections, doesn't admit it?
III. ROUTINE. Third person omniscient?
work sucks
parties with cambray--we see her decline of interest.
work sucks
cumulative chalupa. scenes of travel
work sucks
travel some more
travel
work
party
Cambray's turnover scene--Nic doesn't recognize it?
A "CONCLUSION" IN THE MIDDLE????????
Cambray and Nic's story lines ending and beginning with the opposite problems and truths
IV. Cambray's second narrative. Second person
Working
boyfriend
love
poetry.
walking
nature
old shit? dammit!
V. Nic's second narrative. First person.
Unleashed. parallels cambray's first chapter.
party on, with abandon. girls. girls. tricks. hoes. bros.
tries to hold down a relationship? fail?
Cambray get's married.
Nic doesn't go to marriage. never knows the ending. imagines it instead?
CAMBRAY"S INITIAL AND MAYBE FINAL PERSONALITY?
Caught up in fiction and cinematic beauty. simultaneously hates it and laughs at it
NIC INITIAL AND MAYBE FINAL PERSONALITY
Caught up in fiction reality
Themes:
motifs:
simultaneity of life happening all at once (cut scenes to other people's perspective within the original scene)
Fiction vs. nonfiction
reality vs non-reality ---the capacity of imagination?
travelling--ideas of gained experience--knowledge from lack of movement, or constant movement?----ties in with reality vs non-reality.
the capacity one has to handle the complete mind of another
death--including death by not living
life--including a life in all directions leading towards death? death from overexertion?
passive voice vs active voice--styles of narration?
pleasure of the senses--
sight: hiking
hearing: music shows, playlists
feeling: ?
tasting: barbecue
Smell: girls perfume!? and something else.
Sight--does chambray go blind? nearly goes blind. loses ability of color. Nic initially sees life in black and whites (make this into the descriptions of settings).
Ghoul--face sucker, identity thief
Cambray full of friendships, full of city life, overflowed with it, overwhelmed.
Nic the last of her encounters, last great friend, a flourishing relationship.
Downfall of friendship
Each living lives divided. Nic goes to a life of friends, the city life, perhaps a bit of repetition of what Cambray had experienced in the first half, but of different perspective.
Cambray goes through a period of solitude after raising false mental blocks, thinking "I can't give myself over like this to my boyfriend and to all my friends," and subsequently turning over the list of her old friends now, shaving off her old life to live new and whole and different.
invisible letters to each other, unsent mail.
"Dear Cambray, you view life as a movie, but it is not so, and you attempt to flower it with bullshit, and I find the beauty in it but I don't want to read it as literature. It is the motifs you try to find in life, but I would rather be more direct. Holy moments do not stem from a cinematically exploded reality, but in the details of everyday openness. The sun rises everyday, had we stayed up together it would engender the tingle in our shoulders, the tired drunk heads breed in us only the realization of beauty that would have been there waiting for us, untaken, if we had chosen sleep the hours before. Life is like this, open everyday, open to all the closed mongrels of us bustling bundled up and cold."
Cambray's story first
Nic's story
--at the end of nic's story he finds out that chambray is getting married
POSSIBLE PROBABLE BETTER ENDING------(clearer after reading time of the assassins, some rimbaud, and watching the Adjustment Bureau)
Cambray chooses happiness, and subsequent lack of plot initiative, a selfish (not in a negative way) and "fulfilled" life, giving still (a "good" soul still) but giving to a lesser degree (ie, emily blunt teaching six grade dancers instead of becoming the world renowned modern dancer for all and histories to come)
while Nic chooses his art. woman to woman (unsatisfied relationally, this could be the main metaphor for their philosophical differences)
chambray is happy and content and no longer despises being in seattle. is "blind" with love, made impervious to surroundings, seeing the old world in a new light(?)
while nice is tired of the shit, having "experienced" all there is to experience in seattle, filled now with hatred, repulsion, wanting to flee to higher more exotic, exciting, adventurous places (with much the same feelings that Cambray felt at the end of her first "unleashed" chapter--should only hint to it in her section, and fully explain it in Nic's section so as not to be repetetive)
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